Well, among other things this weekend my human decided to clip my toe nails when an INCIDENT happened. She was clipping and I was trying to get away and then pain shot up my toes. I was bleeding - let me assure you it wasn't a pretty sight.
Why can't my human just paint my toes like Sophie's human aunts - look how pretty and I am sure there is never an ugly scene!!
Look - HOW PRETTY!
We were home alone as Dad was working and needless to say Mom went into panic mode. I leaped away from Mom and started scurrying all over the house so she couldn't lop off any more toes. (Liza: I DID NOT lop off a toe!) After a few minutes of chasing she finally caught me, my severed toe left blood everywhere - the house looked like the beach at Normandy on D-Day.
Mom then called poor Dad at work, he said since we didn't have a styptic pen to rub a bar of soap on the gaping wound. (Liza: It was not a gaping wound!) Well she go out a new bar of ivory soap and began rubbing - nothing stopped, I feared amputation was the next step. (Liza: NO amputation was not the next step!)
So then the human called the vet and they told her to dip my toe in flour or cornstarch and call back if it didn't work. Thank DOG it did work, but then Mom proceeded to wrap my paw in gauze and tape - what was she NUTS!
Needless to say I went to work immediately to chew my paw to freedom! (Liza: I was trying to keep the wound clean and the house a little less bloody!) I also decided to chew up and eat that silly old soap just to show my human who is boss around here. It didn't taste very good but it was fun watching Mom scurry around the house looking for it!! (Liza: I can't believe she ate SOAP - YUCK! I expected her to start burping bubbles like the dog on the Little Rascals!)
My mom has taken an oath to seek professional assistance from this day forward when it comes to my nails. If you see a human with something that looks like this in their hands - RUN!!!